I changed the funfact in the third Simon Somners column and put up a new Simon Somners column. It has what will hopefully be the first of many fan-submitted funfacts. You can see his message at the top. SEND MORE FUNFACT. FUNFACT MAKE YOU HAPPY. I also put up my first AIM interview super happy sexy mega fantastic thing. Yeah. It's the feel good... Thing of the year.  Yeah.  Bounce bounce stupendous.

January 16, 2002

Another Simon Somners column in misc. At this point some of you may be saying "Well, the Simon Somners columns don't completely sap my will to live, but I still don't know if I can make it without ALDP writing another one of his glorious pieces of magic." That's very nice of you. You're a peach. Anyway, I'm TOYING AROUND with something. SOMETHING ABOUT ROBOTS. YOU WILL LOVE IT AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO WAIT FOR IT. THRILLED TO WAIT FOR IT. Yeah. E-MAIL ME YOUR FUN FACTS AND HAVE YOUR NAME PUT AT THE TOP OF THE SITE WITH A SHORT MESSAGE. So, come up with some fun-fact(preferably about some famous person(dead or alive) being gay(Nothing about Elanor Roosevhelt. Anybody running a website of this caliber knows about her)) and send it to me along with your name and personalized message. If you still don't understand, let me give you an example of what one of the said e-mails may look like:

"hey alpd i got a funfact 4 u. did u no eltin jon is gay? omigod, i wuz SO suprized wen i found out. neway, heres my message 'hey jessica its me steve. i no u got all freaked when u found all of those pairs of ur shoes n underware in my closet but im difrent now im not all scary an stuf. neway, culd we get back 2gether or sumthing? i swear to god ill be good 2 u if u just give me a chanec. EMINEM ROCKS!!1

steve"

NOW GO.

I put up another column by Simon Somners and it is...  Uh...  In Miscellaneous.  So yeah. I'm awesome fantastico.

I put up Simon's first contribution in Miscellaneous, but unfortunately it's not gossip.  BUT HAVE NO FEAR!  I have his guarentee that his piece next week will be a true gossip column.  One last thing: I'll be adding an "ALDP'S FUN FACT" at the end of each of Simon's columns.  If you read them for nothing else, read them for my ENLIGHTENING BLURBS at the ends.  Oh, and for anyone that is wondering why I'm doing all of this shit with gossip columns, let's look at the situation.  I have somebody that seems to enjoy writing and is willing to contribute to my site.  I am having trouble CONVERSING WITH MY MUSE.  Via these gossip columns, I am able to get weekly content without having to force out things(Trust me, you wouldn't like it when I force it.  I end up writing about Duchess restaurants and Rocket Power when I force it(Really!  I've done articles those two things in the past.)).  Clearly, this is the best way.

One Simon Somners will be writing a gossip column for this site in the near future if things work out right.  Before any are put up, a word of caution: I will not be checking or revising the columns in any way, so if they end up unfunny and with terrible spelling, it is not my fault.  My only part in them is HTMLizing them and adding pictures.  Oh yeah, and according to Gostats, my average number of hits has dropped to 0.0 a day.  Thanks for telling your friends about my site, assholes.  Anyway, according to Simon, his columns will make my site "the net's new hotspot!"  Yeah.  Wacky Europeans.  One final thing:  Rather than make a whole new section for the columns(which would require me to go through most of my site adding a link to the section on that sidebar to the left), I am going to put the columns in my Miscellaneous section.
*UPDATE*
I found an old PIECE I wrote about TV on my old site and put it up in Editorials. I'm so pretty.

I could say "Happy New Year," but something that cliche seems below such a WITTY, ON THE EDGE person as myself.  Therefore, SAD NEW YEAR.  I put the December updates in the News Archive.  Purchase An Underground Education by Richard Zacks.  Love me.