A trinket I've got my eye on for my birthday next year if anyone's trying to think of a gift. *WINK WINK*

Tonight was a big night. The night I'd been waiting for with great anticipation and moxy. I looked down at my notepad and checked off "moxy" from my list of obscure words to use that night and looked up with a glimmer of anticipation in my eye. The word a day calender I'd bought myself as a "You're okay!" present was being put to use and nothing was going to stand in my way. This was the night of the Rock and Roll Time Bandits exclusive live coverage of the release of "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron".

As I drove to the theater I thought about what Spirit was and what it meant to me. To my understanding it was an inspirational tale about a horse that's captured by U.S. cavalry type guys. I immediately got mad at myself for referring to them as fucking "cavalry type guys"...I mean, what idiot can't even place a simple title like that? Well I'd found out who couldn't, and he was closer than I ever could of imagined in my most terrifying nightmares. In an attempt to stir the thought process away from how embarrassed I felt I thought about other movies about people fighting for their freedom and overcoming insurmountable odds.

I immediately thought of the movie "Glory" starring Matthew Broderick as the commander of a black troop in the Civil War. I disregarded the fact that I probably got all my brain facts wrong and remembered the scene at the very beginning where he is writing a letter to his parents and narrates in his man-boyish voice about how "it would seem comical to see me presiding over so many men" and I started laughing like the first time I'd seen the movie in my High School history class. I couldn't stop laughing until a burly looking man on a motorcycle almost made eye contact with me in my car and I got uncomfortable. Clearly, America was in desperate need of a good "slavery is destroyed by heart and determination" movie since Glory must've been a piece of shit.

Before I could think of another movie besides Roots, I arrived at the theater and prepared to greet the countless television cameras and entertainment shows that would probably be there trying to leech off of our exclusive coverage. They may of had fancy clothes and high tech cameras and lights, but they surely didn't understand the spirit of the old west like I did. I proclaimed myself right upon getting out of the car since nobody was there and it was clear they'd had second thoughts about why they were even going to this when they were such shallow Hollywood fuckheads. I chuckled to myself and threw a glance to the heavens in defiance before going in. Some spanish looking kids laughed at me.

When I got inside I saw that ALDP hadn't arrived yet. I wasn't really surprised because as you all know, ALDP is the kind of rebel that doesn't ride by any man's rules. Least of all some faggy british guy who regulates people being on time to everything. But I knew he'd be here since he'd given me a "yeah right." when I asked him if he was meeting me for the exclusive 'Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron' coverage. However, this seemingly innocent act presented a new danger. Tickets were selling fast and furiously and I was torn between waiting for my friend and ensuring our place to witness movie history.

I kind of started walking and then quickly backed up into the spot I was waiting in. Sweat dripped down my forehead as my eyes darted between the clock on the wall, the entrance to the theater, and those little bastards eating up the tickets every second I waited. With every heart filled cackle I imagined a world where The Rock and Roll Time Bandits had, at last, failed. I could see that it was time for action, and my name was Vin Deisel. I lunged in front of a particularly large crowd of people heading for the end of the line and secured our spot in history.

Go to part 2 to see what happens, if you DARE.