Unfunniness Online
By: Psaturn
I'm pretty sick and tired of reading so much stupid unfunny shit on the internet. I took on this site thinking it would be fun but of course immediately ran out of ideas. What you do when you need ideas is generally go look at something you like and steal it saying you were inspired by it. Unfortunately there's nothing even worth the effort of copy/pasting anymore.
There used to be at least a few places I found relatively neat to visit. I was amused when I first found newgrounds.com but now that they have the portal any asshole can submit his embarrassment and it somehow gets voted into the top 5 flash movies immediately. Plus my computer tends to disintegrate when I load things that waste quite that much time of my life.
Sure, you probably think that I'm whining and it's really only like 5 minutes top I'm wasting but you'd be wrong and miserable. After seeing something awful I sit there and reflect on how terrible and worthless it really was for at least like 20 minutes. It even overlaps if I see something completely awesome within that 20 minutes afterwards so that I don't even notice it. Not that it matters since I already said I don't find anything good anymore.
It seems like everything written online these days falls somewhere in the realm of faggot pretentious whining(this) and insane grasping attempts at humor/recognition(probably this too.) that just fail miserably when all the author comes up with is typing in caplocks about how gay or beautiful something is. Yes, I am talking about awful message boards and pretty close to equally awful webcam whore sites.
The only pages I've really honestly laughed at are either dead or might as well be. Like a million other 14 year olds I enjoy seanbaby.com a lot and like a million other gamers and 159 billion pseudo-intellectual fuckheaded gamers I enjoy oldmanmurray. But they don't update anymore. Why should they? They're the only game in town...They know just as well that there's nothing else funny out so me and everybody else will just sit around quietly waiting for them to update when they damn well feel like it.
There's another problem. Most people aren't patient which is understandable enough. I mean, if you're to the point where you actively wait around looking forward to a site run by some 20 something nobodies to have a little 3 sentence blurb added then you might as well just eat a bullet right now. However most people find their humor elsewhere. And like a kid that's ignored by his parents or has just seen his older brother who he normally eats hotdogs with smoking pot 10 feet away from the swingset he was on, they fall into a bad crowd.
Having no alternative, people lower their standards of what's funny and start going to sites like SomethingAwful.com. I honestly am fucking bamboozled by their success. And not in a black exploitation way. I mean like I read the mainpage and there are words there and they seem to be making fun of hard hitting subjects like B-movies and President Bush and other such shit and my will to live just shrinks to nothing. The fact that people can read that shit and not have their hand turn into a powerful computer screen magnet and then rake their eyeballs across the shards of monitor glass just defies everything.
Am I being overly dramatic? No, I think if anything I'm being too easy on the situation. I could quote a bunch of famous philosophers on the importance of laughter but somebody would probably call me on it and realize I just made up the quotes and names. I don't really need that kind of publicity. Also who really reads that crap for any reason other than to sound smart when they have a chance to quote it to some random zilch on a messageboard?
So what happened to things being funny? I don't know. If I was funny I'd be writing something hilarious instead of this bitchy little rant. I think anyone who bothers to visit this site will know that like 300+ people were greatly influenced to try their hand at humor by Mr. Popo's Palace. I know I was. But so far we've all blown it miserably. Basically everybody thought it looked like fun to call things a cunt publicly and get tons of support because of it so we all dug up obscure references to old movies and shows and hit them with the word "gay" spelled wrong in hilarious caps.
What went wrong with this brilliant revolution? Well frankly most people just aren't very funny. You can't fake it if you don't have a decent sense of humor to begin with. Plus when people weren't putting up their inane shit they were misinterpreting "funny" to mean "fatheaded prick". That's even worse in a lot of ways because you don't even think that THEY like being that way. They just keep the Thesaurus opened to make themselves look like this genius rebel who writes out a 400 page thesus just to put "faggot" in it to remind you that he's also totally fucking cool to the max.
Well maybe I am just full of shit and this is all just a big case of taking some online diaries too seriously. It's very hard to express how sad it is to go online and read nothing but shit like this wherever you turn. And don't even think about typing "comedy" into a search engine because you'll just get a transcript of last night's episode of "Will & Grace".
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