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Counts of Love |
TOM CRUISE CAUGHT IN BED WITH WIFE'S FUNNY BOY BROTHER! Major hollywood filmstar has come out of the closet after an embarrassing affair with his wife's homosexual brother, Bruce FlowerPrincess. Cruise, who has acted in such big-screen classics as "Mission Impossible" and "Jerry Maguire" says he is not ashamed of his career shattering queerness. Mr. Cruise, who recently developed a strong lisp, said to the world, "I don't care if everybody maykth fun of me, ath long ath me and Bruthey thtay together. I dethided that this ith what I want to do and I'm sure of that. I have jutht altho dethinded to play lead role in the new movie "When Harry met George", and I believe it will be a thmash hit!" Mr.Cruise has recently began dressing in womens' clothing. David Manswoman, Cruise's agent, is not so thrilled with his latest publicity stunt. "I think it's an outrage! Hollywood's biggest actor is a queer! He should be ashamed of his faggotish behavior! If he continues with his sodomonist actions I will refuse to futher work for him! At least Roberts and Redford were the opposite sex!" Said the ouraged agent. Cruise's mother, Gertrude Cruise, saw it coming from the start. "I have always noticed little Tommy's homosexuality from when he was a little baby. He used to ask me why he had to be a boy, and used to say that he wanted to be a lady. He even tried castrating himself with a pair of kitchen scissors when he was five!" She revealed. If you ask me, that fag is a nut! Dosen't that old screwnose realize that nobody wants faggots acting in their movies? That old shit pile and his flower-power boyfriend should know better than to go fooling around together in his house when his wife is due back any minute! They probably lost track of time, what with all the slapping and moaning that was going on! The neighbors probably called the police after hearing all that racket! Well, I think you'll agree with me, THAT'S enough of THAT fish crap! This is Simon Somners, weekly columnist. I'll see you next week with another astonishing celebrity story! ALDP'S FUN FACT! Until the 14th century,
the language on English kings was French. YOU SEE? THIS IS THE CRAP YOU GET
WHEN YOU DON'T SUBMIT FUN FACTS.
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