Last night, the world was shocked when it heard that luscious actress/porn-star(Oh, you didn't know?) Julia Roberts and Hollywood hunk Robert Redford were caught sleeping together. When questioned, Redford explained to us that it was for publicity only, and that he and Roberts had no real relationship going on, and that it was just friendly fooling about.

Word has it that the reason Roberts did it with that old bag is because she needed money to buy her much-needed Heroin. THAT'S RIGHT EVERYBODY, SHE NEEDS TO BUY HEROIN! Wait a minute, why would filthy rich Roberts need money to buy her miricle drug? BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF ME! Well, let's hear Redford's side of the story: "We had some drinks and such, and then she came back to my house, and before you know it, I had her tied up to the bedframe, and I was spanking her like a schoolboy! It was truly magical." he happily confesses. Ms.Roberts had no comment on the "magical" subject. When questioned, her self-obsessed Italian hubby Frederico Bellini said, (With strong Italian accent) "Well, Julia has been known to get frisky at times, at that's ok with me, as long as she buys me my regular Gucci suit, Franco Maldini moose for my hair, and amarillo biscottis. She can buy all these things at our favorite store 'ALL THINGS ITALIAN'". Well Bellini, thanks for nothing. Well, except telling us where to buy high quality Italian cow shit. Let me tell you one thing, I'm never interviewing that old buttnut again! Watch him talk is like watchingcrap fall out of a sewage machine!

Enough of that poo pie, back to Roberts! In her last movie "Ocean's 11" Roberts starred as Daniel Ocean's attitude-filled ex-girlfriend, who was currently dating the owner of the three casinos they were going to knock off. In his last movie, uhhh..."The CIA Agent who Trained another CIA Agent to Replace Him but That CIA Agent Got Captured by China so He Had to Rescue Him", he played a CIA agent who trained another CIA agent to replace him but that CIA agent got captured by China so he had to rescue him. In my opinion, this nasty pile of dog poo that Roberts and Redford just happened to dig up will stink up their professional careers and nobody will ever use them for any movie EVER AGAIN! Heroin...who could of thought of such a dung-laden excuse! WELL ROBERTS, OBVIOUSLY!